I was talking with one of my friends and former colleagues a few weeks ago. We were talking about violence on college campuses and violence in general. One theme that came up in our conversation was most of the perpetrators are males. It got me to thinking why are most of the perpetrators male? Instead of arguing about guns, politics, and political correctness we need to having a different conversation. We need to be asking what message are we sending to young males?
According to Stats 70% of people arrested are males. But what is also alarming is that 45% of males aged 15-25 will be arrested for violent crimes such as murder, assault, sexual assault, domestic violence and rape. Another alarming stat that was published this past summer was that 1 out of 4 males at college will commit sexual assault or rape. 1 out of 4 female college students will get raped at college. That should not be happening at college. College should be a safe place for learning and not be violent like it is becoming. In addition 1 out of 4 young males did not believe continuing on after a woman says stop or no was wrong. The same percentage 25% (1 out of 4) said that date rape was not wrong. What message are we sending to young males and why is violence and sexual assaults increasing?
Parents
According to studies parents are the main influence in a child’s life up to the age of 14. After the age of 14 the peer group and media replace the parent. Boys are influenced a lot by their father figures in their lives. Used to Dad’s would talk to their sons about not hitting women. I remember growing up how my dad installed that in me. He taught me if a guy hits you, you hit them back. But you never ever hit a woman. That has always stuck with me. When I was in grammar school I found out my friends parents told them the same thing. I do not think boys are getting that from their dads anymore. Now, I understand some boys grow up without a dad due to reasons beyond the child’s control. In that case the mom should be the one to teach their sons not to hit women. It seems like boys are no longer getting that message. I have seen on the news were males as young as 13 have been charged with rape and sexual assault.
I have also noticed a new trend among parents. Parents are also not talking to their sons about No means No when it comes to dating. I think this is a huge reason that 1 out of 4 young males do not believe continuing on after a woman says No is not wrong. I have seen on forums were parents expect the school to teach their kids about relationships. In addition, I have noticed that parents do not interact with their children like they used to. I used to work in my old church’s youth group and the interaction between the youth and their parents was interesting. Youth especially males, who had parent interaction, were more involved in discussions, more well mannered and had a sense of morality. Some males had no parent interaction, the parents just dropped them off at the church and drove off. Males that had no interaction were less involved in discussions, not well mannered, did not have a sense of morality, and some of them would later end up in trouble. It seems that parent involvement is crucial. Studies show that males who had their parents involved and discussions with them were less likely to commit violent crimes.
Video Games
I think it is important that we look at the messages being sent to young males in video games. When I was younger the most violent game out there was street fighter and Mortal Kombat. Now these games are nothing compared to the violence in today’s games. In some games you can commit mass shootings, terrorist acts, and sexual assault (rape) on characters. What I noticed is majority of the time the characters that can do these things in video games are male. I do not enjoy games like these but have seen previews of them through commercials and store set ups. Stores advertise these games on TV’s being sold in the store and set ups that are appealing to young male gamers.
What I find disturbing is these violent video games are rated M or in some states A. These ratings mean the game is for adults only. Adults should be the only ones playing these games. But often times its 8-14 year olds playing these type of games. In fact, most of the young gamers playing these violent video games are males. Now, a lot of this goes back to parents being parents. Parents should not let children play adult rated games. However, so often the video game is a tool to keep the child occupied and out of the parents way. Again that is going back to no interaction between parent and child. Young males under the age of 14 will play these type of games for hours a day. It is not uncommon for youth to play these games 6 hours or more a day.
If the parents do not talk to their kids about video games being fake and have no involvement in their child’s life then you are asking for trouble. Children play these violent video games and they think they are cool. If nobody teaches them its not real then it gets installed into a child especially boys that its okay. Boys start to get the idea that they can go on violent rampages, they can rape women and commit sexual assault. Its certainly sending a wrong message to males.
Violent Music
I was in a department store a few weeks ago and rap music was blaring on that store’s speakers. I could not believe what I was hearing and that this was being played on a department store’s radio. The music was awful. Whoever the artists was they were singing about raping their girlfriend. After that song went off another one started to play talking about committing violence acts. It just shocked me that a department store would be playing this knowing that lots of children were in the stores. It made me think, what message are violent songs sending to young males. Lot of parents think these songs are funny and a form of art. When is raping people ever funny it is not and I think that is part of the problem.
Violent music should only be listened too by adults; again this falls on the parents. But, the media markets these songs to young males. That is why you have family department stores playing them as well as marketing them. Also these songs can easily be downloaded on the internet and Ipods. So, what you have is young males listening to these songs they think its funny. That starts to install the idea that rape and mass killings are funny and not wrong. Young males get the message that “oh rape is being gloried in songs so it must be cool. If I do this I will be seen as the top guy and be famous. Clearly that is the wrong message being sent to boys.
The Media
The media is also sending the wrong message to young males through movies and shows. They are some movies and shows that appear to glorify violence as well as sexual assault. Men who commit these acts in shows and movies are often seen as cool. To young males they get the message oh this is what I must do to be an alpha male. So males who see this start to get the idea so an Alpha male looks like this. If I do these things I will be on top of the world. In addition, it also seems some shows as well as movies make the man who advances on women very macho. In the media the Macho guy is usually the guy that advances on women, has several women by his sides, and in some cases has women as slaves. Again, what message is that being sent to young males.
Also sometimes it seems as if the media glorifies celebrities who get in trouble for sexual crimes. A good example is Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby has been accused of and has mounting evidence of sexual assault against women. Last time I read on the news he has over 40 cases. Moreover, Cosby even admitted he drugged women so he could have intercourse with them. Is Cosby disgraced yes but at the same time it seems like the media still glorifies him. Cosby still gets to appear on talk TV shows, still gets to write books and still appears to be cool and wealthy on TV. To a young male the message could be sent oh he still gets to be on TV and he is still famous.
Friends
Remember earlier how I sad the peer group takes the place of the parents as a child’s top influence. Well, that can be good or bad. Other children or young adults can influence a young males actions. If the peer group seems to encourage sexual advances or abuse to get a woman’s attention. Then that young male is more likely to start doing those actions. Typically, this is seen in a college setting. Young adult males often like to brag about what they did to their girlfriends or women. This can be good or bad. It can be good if the message is like this “I took my girlfriend to a nice restaurant we really had a good time” That seems most likely to be safe. On the other hand you could get a bad message like this “I’m going to come on to my girlfriend tonight if she doesn’t like it I’m going to show her how dominant I am and what a real man I am. I’m going to go on till she submits. If she puts up a fight I’m going to knock her down”. Okay that message is very damaging to other males. It seems like a message is being sent its okay to hit a woman when she says no. It also sends the message I’m going to get aggressive when she says no. That is how sexual assaults or abusive relationships start.
Social Media.
Its the 2010’s and wherever some people like it or not social media is a huge part of our lives. Social media could be good or bad. It could be good as it can be a way to communicate, check on family and share inspirational things. However, it can also be bad very bad as Social media can be used to sext, encourage things I have mentioned above and distribute porn too. A good example is a huge scandal is going on at this Colorado High School. What is being reported is several high school students sexted to each other majority of the perpetrators being male. The images and messages sent on social media sites and through texting contained very graphical things. It has lead to the charges of some. Some of the males are being charged with child porn, revenge porn, luring a minor, and sexual assault. All of these are serious charges. It is being reported that some of those that have been doing that think it is funny. What I also found disturbing was I was talking on forums about this, and some people thought it was just kids expressing themselves. I found that alarming as what message is this sending to young males.
Porn.
Porn, is a huge epidemic that does not get talked much about but has serous consequences. According to a 2015 study released in the spring 78% of males aged 14-25 viewed porn on a regular basis. That is awful and what is more awful is that same number did not see anything wrong with it. Now, some might be saying who cares if people want to watch that let them. Well porn is a problem because it is often the source of human trafficking and women being sold as sex slaves. I remember a special came on years ago about porn and what it can lead too. In this special I want to think it might have been Dateline but I’m not sure porn was discussed. In the special it showed how the porn industry trafficked girls some as young as 13. The industry would make girls under the age of 18 look like like they were in their 20’s via make up. They industries exposed even created fake passports to smuggle the young girls in. What was sad and alarming was girls were kidnapped all over the world and sent to Cambodia. In Cambodia they were sold as sex slaves and some were sold to porn distributors. The Distributors would make the girls appear older then they were. As I stated a 13 year old would be made to look like a 20 year old. Then they were smuggled to the United States for filming. Now in the special the distributors were caught by the US authorities and the women were rescued. But the authorities in the special made a disturbing claim. The claim being they are hundreds of distributors that are smuggling in girls that have not been caught. Moreover, male pimps were paid thousands of dollars to take in these girls. Furthermore, some studies have shown young males who viewed porn on a regular basis were more likely to become sexual predators and abusive.
So, instead of arguing about guns and politics we need to address the messages being sent to young males. Males are getting sent wrong messages from: video games, music, social media, friends and porn. It seems the message being sent if I commit acts of violence, or sexual assault I will become an Alpha Macho Man. If I advance on women I will be seen as the top guy. These are wrong messages that are not being addressed. If we do not address these problem then we are going to see more young males commit violent acts. We are also going to continue to see sexual assaults go up. In 2010 it was 1 out of 5 women at a college would get sexual assaulted or raped. Now that number has increased to 1 out of 4. So what can be done? Well it starts with parents. Parents need to go back to being involved in their kids lives and that includes interacting with them as well as talking to them. Parents need to go back telling their sons that it is not okay to hit a woman and that when a Woman says No it means No. It starts with you. Second, the media needs to stop glorifying characters who commit sexual crimes in movies and shows. That is the changes we need to start. We need to start changing the message we are sending to our young males.
tornadocam 